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~Out Of Touch~
Tonight I have experienced something
That I haven't in a long time
When I got off the phone with you
I broke down and cried
It's something I'm not used to
I don't do that anymore
Now that we're together
But tonight my tears poured
They seemed so familiar
But yet so far away
I can not say I miss them
Or that I want them to stay
Why are you doing this?
I feel so left out
Am I important to you anymore?
Or have you shut me out?
You better start realizing
What you're doing to me
I won't be able to take it
If you're always ignoring me
So shape up your act
Baby, I love you so much
I will and can not lose you
Even though I feel so out of touch
12-2-04
~One And Only~
My one and only father
The only one I have
I love him to death
But it is so sad
I only get to see him
Every school holiday
I hate the fact
That he lives so far away
My daddy loves me so much
He tries his hardest to stay
In touch with me often
He emails basically every other day
He may spoil me
But I'm his only child
Yeah I see him every vacation
But only for a while
Even though I may complain
And wish to see him more
I know he has given me
A better life than I could wish for
11-18-04
~No Matter What~
She stood at the foot of her bed
She was completely ready to go
She looked out her window
And told God what she wanted to know
What is my purpose in this world?
Does anybody need me?
Why am I here all alone?
Does anybody want me?
God, help me Lord
I'm down on my kness
Tell me the truth
I'm begging you, please
There was no answer
She didn't hear His voice in her head
She knew that God didn't want her
And she wished that she was dead
She went over to her window sill
Her throat felt dry and sore
She picked up the razor that she dreaded
And dropped it to the floor
Something wouldn't let her do this
She felt like she was being held back
She burst out with painful tears
And felt her life come back
She thoguht of her friends
The life she'd leave behind
She knew that she needed
To keep her best friend in mind
No matter what she'd been through
She always had someone who loved her
No matter what her family did to her
Her friends would love her forever
To LeAnna
10-12-04
~My Inner Dream~
At the end of the day
When I step in from the cold
I would sit by the fire
And have you to hold
Tell you how my day went
How I missed you a ton
Say hello to our children
And take the dog for a run
Come back and take a shower
Have dinner with our family
Fall to sleep at night
With you right next to me
Got to work happy
Have a business meeting
Design a few rooms
And watch the day end finally
Yeah, that would be perfect
But I only need one thing
I need you in my life forever
That is my inner dream
9-30-04
~Forever~
When the rain patters down
When the snow hits the ground
When the leaves fall from the trees
When you feel the summer breeze
When you wake in the morning light
When you fall asleep at night
When you see me in your dreams
When nothing is what it seems
When your world is caving in
When you need to share your sins
When you needa hand to hold
Someone to keep you from the cold
When you're holding me tight
When you're scared and in fright
When you're telling me you love me
I hope that you can see
During any time of day
No matter what people say
No matter what type of weather
I will be here for you forever
8-23-04
~Incomparable~
I saw you walk by today
I didn't stop to talk to you
Not even a simple, "Hey!"
'Cuz there was a girl with you
I don't know what it is
That I'm beginning to feel
But whatever it is
It seems so real
When I see you I think, No
Don't even think about it
Don't let your feelings show
And just forget about him
When I talk to you it's incomparable
I want everything plus two
And now I feel terrible
That I want those things with you
I know that you don't love me
Now that we've lost contact
But please, won't you forgive me?
Because now I want you back
8-23-04
~Betrayal~
You told me you liked me
But I guess it was just a lie
Why did you make me believe
That I even had the chance to try?
You hurt me really badly
When you told me you were taken
But I guess I was too slow
And now I feel forsaken
Why did you do this to me?
I though I loved you again
My hands are shaking so much
I can barely use this pen
Now my heart is broken
I thought we had something going
But I guess that was a lie too
And now your true side is showing
I think you know betrayal
I'm not saying your heart's never been broken
But for me, this was really hard
And I feel like choking
8-24-04
~Dream~
When the day finally ends
It seems all I can do
Is sit and cry outloud
Because of the pain you put me through
I tried to call you
Forever and ever it seemed
But there was no answer
And it left me to dream
Maybe you gave up
On what we had before
You know our love was special
But you don't care anymore
Maybe you think I'm useless
Now that you've got someone
But you would never use me
See what my dreams have done
Please tell me they are false
And make my tears go away
'Cuz I know there's better ways
To spend the end of my day
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12-26-04
~A Flower Of Some Kind~
A flower in the meadow
Sun shining down on it
Rain feeding its needs
Unhappy? Not a bit
One day a little girl comes
Picks it from its happy place
Take it home to Mommy
And they stick it a vase
TLC is what it takes
To keep this flower alive
Lots of love and attention
For this flower to survive
It worked out for a while
Everything was fine
But she started to ignore it
For this girl was only nine
It started to whither
Its pedals a light brown
Crisping at the touch
It was drooping down
The girl took the flower
And threw it in the bin
She went out to the meadow
And found another flower friend
I hope this example
Dows not resmeble what we share
For it is very special
And it too requires care
Sp please don't treat me like this flower
I do not belong in a bin
I belong in your life
As your dearest friend
To: Zack and LeAnna
I love you
11-30-04
~Jennifer~
3 long summer months
Changed my life forever
I thought she said we would always
Be friends with one another
I went to Venice, Italy
And got her a present for her birthday
It was so expensive and nice
I never thought she'd push it away
She said she didn't want it
When I came back that summer
She told me she'd talk to me later
And left me sitting there, a loner
When I got home that day
I cried and I cried
She wouldn't talk to me
No matter how hard I tried
Then I talked to her online
She told me she didn't want to be
Best friends with me anymore
Sh'ed found a better friend than me
I miss my best friend, Jennifer
We were so close for 2 long years
I never thought I'd get over her
But now I see through my tears
Everything happpens for a reason
I've found better friends
But we still talk from time to time
I guess friendships never end
10-28-04
~Love So Cold~
A world so cold
A love so warm
A life so scattered
A relationship so together
A never ending romance
Not so allowed
Than one would hope
Or even prey
A conversation so horrid
A feeling of lonliness
A hurt so deep
For a love so strong
Never knowing that love
Will keep them together
Love won't promise happiness
That was once so common
Everything has changed
From good to worse
In such a short time
It hit them so hard
It has been reversed
And has now become
A world so warm
And a love so cold
10-11-04
~Communication~
Communication is the key
To staying with someone
We used to be so good at that
So where is this coming from?
Do you ever listen to me?
Did you hear me the other night?
When I told you that I love you
Is that why you didn't reply?
I ask you many questions
To get you talking to me
But that never works
You never say anything
I don't mean to complain
I really do love you
But please start listening
And talk to me, will you?
'Cuz it's driving me crazy
I miss how you used to be
So please show me you care
And pay attention to me
8-23-04
~Familiar~
I watched as she cried
I tried to help her quickly
To wipe away her tears
But something hard stopped me
I pulled my hand back
Surprised by the hurt
Then I realized the pain
Was mostly in my heart
I sat down to think
About what it could possibly be
That blocked me from her
And hurt me so badly
I looked at her again
And saw her looking at me
The pain in her eyes
Was depressing and haunting
Her eyes looked like my heart felt
I got up and she copied
I though she looked familiar
And realized this girl was me
8-23-04
~I Get It~
You know htat saying they say?
You never forget your first love?
Well I understand that today
Because I try but I can't
He's always on my mind
Like some contagious virus
That makes my brain go in rewind
And there's no cure for it
I know he doesn't like me
Although I try to deny it
But all I ever think and see
Is him with another girl
So why do I still love this guy?
Why can't I leave him alone?
Well I'll tell you why
Because he was my first love
8-24-04
~Maybe~
Maybe you don't need me
Or love me at all
But I just can't help it
And head over heals I fall
Maybe you still love me
But just afraid to tell
Just remember that I love you
And that I always will
Maybe I'm going crazy
And I really don't love you
But what I feel is so pure
I highly doubt that's true
Mayeb I'm trying my hardest
To make you feel
The same way as I do
But these words are for real
Maybe my heart is broken
And this pain will never end
But somehow I believe
That we'll end up together again
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12-12-04
~Christmas Spirit~
Decorating the tree
Listening to music softly
The smell of apple cider
Spirits feeling brighter
Cuddling up to spouses
Looking at decorated houses
Listening to strangers sing
Hearing sleigh bells ring
Scents of pine trees seeming
Lights everywhere gleaming
Books of Christmas cheer
Visions of Santa Claus being near
The holiday spirit is the greatest
Every human being needs it
Not enough money, do not fear
Cherish Christmas every year
11-26-04
~These People~
I'm sick and tired
Of this lifestyle
I need to do something
Escape for a while
I know you can see
I'm drowning in stress
So I hide away
Not everyone's impressed
Seeing you these days
Is like leaving for jail
All I wanna do
Is hide out or bail
I don't like these people
Their morals are crap
It's the hardest thing
To get them to laugh
You're not the same
Stay away from them, please
Don't ever be like them
I'm begging you on my knees
I love you, Dad
I like who you are
But every single day
These people give me a scar
Their life isn't normal
They believe stupid things
They have the weidest presence
Like they're not human beings
Their money's intimidating
They spoil their kids
Can't anyone see
That I'm shattering to bits
Leaving this place is weird
I'm happy but I'm sad
I hate these people
But I love you Dad
10-18-04
~Nothing~
Why do I feel so lonely?
I can't hear any paws on the floor
There's nothing right by my side
Nothing whimpering at my door
Why do I feel so light?
There's nothing in my lap
Nothing nudging at my hand for attention
Or on my feet when I take a nap
Why do I feel so sturdy?
There's nothing in my way
Nothing running around my feet
Nothing around to tell to stay
Why do I feel so helpless?
There's only one dog to feed
Only one dog to take care of
But chores I do not need
I need my puppy back
I lost one of my best friends
And now I have nothing to cuddle
Why did his life have to end?
I miss you Max
I will for eternity
I love you so much
But at least I know you're happy
10-5-04
~You're My Answer~
If I could have the world
Would I take it?
If I could make any wish
Would I make it?
If I were given great valuables
Would I keep them?
If I were given maids and butlers
Would I need them?
If I could drop out of school
Would I do it?
If I could mend a friendship
Would I renew it?
I know all the answers
The ywill always be true
I've thought of them long and hard
And they all end with you
The world would mean nothing
If if didn't include you
The only wish I can think of
Is spending forever with you
Of all the valuables in the world
You are the greatest one
If you promised to love me forever
Cleaning might become fun
The only way I'd drop out of school
Is if I were trading it for you
The only friendship that means everything
Is the one I have with you
So whenever you ask yourself
If I mean anything to you
Read this poem over again
'Cuz these words will need repeating
Just remember for me
That I will always love you
That you mean everything to me
And I can't live without you
8-23-04
~Numb~
I'm beginning to feel numb
In my fingers, toes, and heart
Everytime I hear you voice
It rips my heart apart
I now know that I need you
More than ever before
And I want you to know
That my eyes are sore
Sore from all the tears
I've cried because
I miss you so much
I swear I feel hacksaws
I see you in my dreams
And wake with tears in my eyes
Now all of my denials
Seem like fucking lies
8-24-04
~I'm Not~
I just sit and wait
For the bell to finally ring
So I can see you again
But that won't help a thing
'Cuz that girl that you're with
I hate her, can you tell?
Everything I see you with her
I feel like running to Hell
But you shouldn't worry
Just let me be
I'll be just fine
Once you finally see
That I'm not giving up
On the friendship that we have
Just because some girl
Has made me very sad
But that doesn't mean
That I will steal you from her
'Cuz you aren't like that
And I know you would never hurt her
8-24-04
~What This Is~
Please tell me what this is
My heart hurts all the time
But beats really fast
And you're always on my mind
I always want to talk to you
At any time of day
And it really doesn't matter
If I have anything to say
Whenever I think about you
My stomch get butterflies
And when I think I can't have you
Tears pour out of my eyes
Every single fucking day
I find myself writing about you
And I know that's because
I'm always thinking of you
So what the Hell is this?
I was going to ask you
But now I realize
That I'm in love with you
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