An unwatched pot boils immediately.  ~H.F. Ellis

Tell a man there are 300 billion stars in the universe and he'll believe you.  Tell him a bench has wet paint on it and he'll have to touch it to be sure.  ~Murphy's Law

It's always been and always will be the same in the world:  The horse does the work and the coachman is tipped.  ~Author Unknown

How is it that our memory is good enough to retain the least triviality that happens to us, and yet not good enough to recollect how often we have told it to the same person?  ~François Duc de La Rochefoucauld

Why do they put the Gideon Bibles only in the bedrooms, where it's usually too late, and not in the barroom downstairs?  ~Christopher Morley, Contribution to a Contribution

I am thankful for laughter, except when milk comes out of my nose.  ~Woody Allen

What I need to live has been given to me by the earth.  Why I need to live has been given to me by you.  ~Author Unknown

What is a friend?  A single soul dwelling in two bodies.  ~Aristotle

When you come to the end of your rope, tie a knot and hang on.  ~Franklin D. Roosevelt

The difference between light and hard is that you can sleep with a light on.  ~Author Unknown

Flatterers look like friends, as wolves like dogs.  ~George Chapman

Love is missing someone whenever you're apart, but somehow feeling warm inside because you're close in heart.  ~Kay Knudsen

Kinky is using a feather.  Perverted is using the whole chicken.  ~Author Unknown

If you're alone, I'll be your shadow.  If you want to cry, I'll be your shoulder.  If you want a hug, I'll be your pillow.  If you need to be happy, I'll be your smile.  But anytime you need a friend, I'll just be me.  ~Author Unknown

A friend is the one who comes in when the whole world has gone out.  ~Grace Pulpit

When a man talks dirty to a woman, it's sexual harassment.  When a woman talks dirty to a man, it's $3.95 a minute.  ~Author Unknown

There is no snooze button on a cat who wants breakfast.  ~Author Unknown

Condoms aren't completely safe.  A friend of mine was wearing one and got hit by a bus.  ~Bob Rubin

"Bigamy is having one wife too many. Monogamy is the same." - Oscar Wilde

"The leading cause of death among fashion models is falling through street grates." - Dave Berry

"He who laughs last didn't get it." - Helen Giangregorio

"A lot of fellows nowadays have a B.A., M.D., or Ph.D. Unfortunately, they don't have a J.O.B." - Fats Domino

"Your vision will become clear only when you look into your heart ... Who looks outside, dreams. Who looks inside awakens." - Carl Gustav Jung

"You don't drown by falling in the water, you drown by staying there." - Unknown

"By three methods we may learn wisdom: First, by reflection, which is noblest; Second, by imitation, which is easiest; and third by experience, which is the bitterest." - Confucius

"People are like stained glass windows: they sparkle and shine when the sun is out, but when the darkness sets in their true beauty is revealed only if there is a light within." - Elizabeth Kubler-Ross

"Our Individuality makes us unique, our abnormailty makes us interesting." - XChromiumX

"Never be afraid to try something new. Remember, amateurs built the ark. Professionals built the Titanic." - Author Unknown

"It's easy to identify people who can't count to ten. They're in front of you in the supermarket express lane." - Author Unknown

"It takes a minute to have a crush on someone, an hour to like someone and a day to love someone, but it takes a lifetime to forget someone." - Author Unknown

"A pessimist sees the difficulty in every opportunity; an optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty." - Sir Winston Churchill

"The hardest thing in life is watching the one you love, love someone else. " - Author Unknown

"I always knew I would look back on my crying and laugh, but I never thought I would look back on my laughter and cry." - Author Unknown

"In the beginning there was nothing and God said 'let there be light' and there was still nothing but everyone could see it." - Author Unknown

"I do not suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it." - Edgar Allan Poe

"It's nice to be important but it's more important to be nice." - Author Unknown

"Love isn't finding the perfect person, it's finding the imperfect person perfect." - Author Unknown

"Due to budget cuts the light at the end of the tunnel has been turned off." - Author Unknown

"All that we see or seem, Is a dream within a dream." - Edgar Allen Poe